Why Mismatchers Get Stuck in Polarity

Meta-Program #4 " Matcher or Mismatcher (***)

Robbins writes:

“This meta-program determines how you sort information to learn, understand, and the like. Some people respond to the world by finding sameness. They look at things and see what they have in common. They’re matchers. Other people are mismatchers " difference people. There are two kinds of them. One type looks at the world and sees how things are different … The other kind of mismatcher sees differences with exceptions. He’s like a matcher who finds sameness with exceptions in reverse " he sees the differences first, and then he’ll add the things they have in common.”

If you ever find somebody that always seems to have to disagree with you, now you know why.

~~~

Ontologically it is even simpler - one finds his Ego by everything else being "other" & defending his own Ego as the things that agree with him & those that don't .

Tags

  1. polarity
  2. mismatching
  3. sorting algorithm
  4. nlp
  5. eric berne

Comments


Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 10:16:18 18626
Rights 2015-07-29 09:27:41 18626
seth 2015-07-29 08:39:38 18626
At other timese here you are what is called a polarity mismatcher or maybe just disagreeable.
It's not a character trait.  It's the particular situation that obtains with the world.  <== wtf does that sentence even mean if anything?

Ok, ok, get ready for a belly laugh.  I mismatch you so very much just because your are wrong so very much

I find myself being quite different with others ... my wife for example ... i almost never mis-match her.  take katya for example, we seem to be thinking in the same veigh.  or nathan ... somtimes yes, somtimes no.  or a woman in the coop ... she almost always mis-matches me ... so i know that in advance ... just like you, totally predictable.  so yes there is a syndrome there ... point being we have control of it.

then too there is authorities.  you seem to always match with authority.  sometimes i do too ... other times not.  you, of course, call that "my problem with authority" ...  something that seems to you, as being wrong with me.  think about who you match with and who you do not.  Don't you find a lot of variability?  Well i sure do with me.
Those who agree with me I tend to match; otherwise not so much.  But then my sorting meta-program algorithm is more matching.  For someone building a selfie, the idea of a meta-program controlling their behavior is slightly insulting & needs to be defended against. One could go even further & inquire into why munging it away (see the blue & red above) is an effective strategy. I began my studies on NLP to inquire into self-motivation. I have a long line of mentors & borrow from all of them. I prefer not to re-invent the wheel. Most of my own research has no words to describe the results.


fine .

i'm curious however ... really curious and not just playing rwg.   Can you detect a whole lot of what you call "selfie building" going on in that paragraph?

Incidentally, "Those who agree with me I tend to match; otherwise not so much", is a textbook example of Eric Berne's, "I'm ok, you're not ok".   Did you realize that when you penned it?
I read Eric B. once & found it kinda boring. I don't follow his book. You are the only one who know the deep roots of your selfie building. I from time to time may point to something of your to look at & may even disclose some of mine. I don't care whether you do or not & you probably can't figure out mine.


PU-politics says
seth 2015-07-28 19:17:38 18626

in my experience i have know myself to look for differences at times and look for sameness at other times.  i have known many others to do that as well.  i don't find that to be a personality trait as Robbins seems to imply above.  but it is true that some people get in a habit of always finding themselves in the right and the world in the wrong.  this was explained to me in the famous book "I'm ok, you're ok" ... a simple way to understand and predict gross levels of human interaction ...

Not much understanding the metaprogram though You are more difference with sometimes sameness.
At other timese here you are what is called a polarity mismatcher or maybe just disagreeable.

Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 08:14:13 18626
PU-politics 2015-07-28 23:25:04 18626
seth 2015-07-28 19:30:32 18626

Note that judgements by self/other is a polarity ... the more value one places on self, the less one can place in the world.  It is a zero sum game.  I think the idea that those judgements must always go one way according to some grand law of humanity is fundamentally flawed.  I think we are all free to choose withing specific contexts one way or the other.  Who knows, the consciousness of that freedom may well be the meme of the age.  
It is not a zero-sum game. You are in charge of the judgements. Other never is in charge of your judgements. the rest of your paragraph is just balderdash.


So have not found that the more you judge value in your self, the less you judge value in the world?  For that very definition of zero-sum ... one cannot increase unless another decreases ... but sure, you can call it a game or maybe not consider it a game.  

And yes it is true that you are in charge of your judgements, not others.  What i am pointing at is what those judgements are about ... i pointed to values which are judgements.  if you see someone walking down the street, you may be oblivious to the value of their concerns ... you may be more interested in the values of your own concerns.  the more the one, the less the other.  check it out with a more pertinent example where it might make a big difference ... what does your wife want for dinner .... what do you want instead.  Or mabe objectively look at what you just did, was it more important for you to piss on my gestalt by calling it "bolderdash", or to actually see the same gestalt yourself and let me know you did?
Nope! I don't think that way. Maybe you do. Obviously it is your gestalt & your judgement & not that of mine. Not all gestalts are equal or of the same value to others.


Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 08:39:38 18626
At other timese here you are what is called a polarity mismatcher or maybe just disagreeable.
It's not a character trait.  It's the particular situation that obtains with the world.  <== wtf does that sentence even mean if anything?

Ok, ok, get ready for a belly laugh.  I mismatch you so very much just because your are wrong so very much

I find myself being quite different with others ... my wife for example ... i almost never mis-match her.  take katya for example, we seem to be thinking in the same veigh.  or nathan ... somtimes yes, somtimes no.  or a woman in the coop ... she almost always mis-matches me ... so i know that in advance ... just like you, totally predictable.  so yes there is a syndrome there ... point being we have control of it.

then too there is authorities.  you seem to always match with authority.  sometimes i do too ... other times not.  you, of course, call that "my problem with authority" ...  something that seems to you, as being wrong with me.  think about who you match with and who you do not.  Don't you find a lot of variability?  Well i sure do with me.
Those who agree with me I tend to match; otherwise not so much.  But then my sorting meta-program algorithm is more matching.  For someone building a selfie, the idea of a meta-program controlling their behavior is slightly insulting & needs to be defended against. One could go even further & inquire into why munging it away (see the blue & red above) is an effective strategy. I began my studies on NLP to inquire into self-motivation. I have a long line of mentors & borrow from all of them. I prefer not to re-invent the wheel. Most of my own research has no words to describe the results.


Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 10:27:20 18626
incidentally PR tries to break his audience out of this "if you agree with me i match you" tendency in the introduction to PC.  if you doubt it, and yet are open to it, i will find some specific texts and post them on goodreads via my twitter feed. 
He does an intense job of disabusing anyone believing what he says in the final chapter or so. Munging NLP & PR's zen is not a good idea. NLP doesn't attempt to find direct experiences or the truth - more like manipulation & psychology.


Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 10:02:39 18626
It's not a character trait.  It's the particular situation that obtains with the world.  <== wtf does that sentence even mean if anything?
Well if i have blue eyes, that is a characteristic of my body ... it does not change from time to time.  If what i looked at determined the color of my eyes, then my eye color would be determined by the particular situation that obtained in the world.

If i am always angry then that might be a character trait.  But if i am angry only when sombody steps on my shoes, then my anger is determined by "the particular situation that obtains in the world".

If you tend to always match with those who agree with you (and mismatch with those who do not), then that would be your character trait.  But if you are open enough to sometimes match, even when you don't agree with the other person,  then you would have transcended that character tendency .. you would have been sensitive to the situation that obtained in the world ... who know, you might even get a new idea that way.

I think that is pretty clear ... almost just common knowledge ... and i don't think it should be controversial.

i wonder if you will find a way to mismatch it.
The English is tortuous. Your explanation added afterwards makes more sense for some value of It.

Rights says
seth 2015-07-29 11:57:16 18626
Rights 2015-07-29 11:12:38 18626
seth 2015-07-29 10:02:39 18626
It's not a character trait.  It's the particular situation that obtains with the world.  <== wtf does that sentence even mean if anything?
Well if i have blue eyes, that is a characteristic of my body ... it does not change from time to time.  If what i looked at determined the color of my eyes, then my eye color would be determined by the particular situation that obtained in the world.

If i am always angry then that might be a character trait.  But if i am angry only when sombody steps on my shoes, then my anger is determined by "the particular situation that obtains in the world".

If you tend to always match with those who agree with you (and mismatch with those who do not), then that would be your character trait.  But if you are open enough to sometimes match, even when you don't agree with the other person,  then you would have transcended that character tendency .. you would have been sensitive to the situation that obtained in the world ... who know, you might even get a new idea that way.

I think that is pretty clear ... almost just common knowledge ... and i don't think it should be controversial.

i wonder if you will find a way to mismatch it.
The English is tortuous. Your explanation added afterwards makes more sense for some value of It.

well thanks for not mismatching me

Being sensitive to the "particular situations which obtain in the world and caring about them"  seems to be the polar opposite of me delving into a direct experience of "who i am" which can happen with my eyes closed and me laying catatonic on my bed.  That's the direction of the value of "it" for me. 

And yes, poetry and terse pros can be tortuous to interpreter.  i make no apologies.


Yep! The meaning of your communication is the response you get; perhaps even with yourself! Pr never suggested being catatonic in your bed.  As a matter of fact in the final chapters of PC he suggests living with the inquiries & contemplation at all times no matter what you are doing in the world. Maybe even blogging.


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