stream of consciousness May 22, 2006

What is my blog and what is my blogging community? ... all of that is to be determined ... work in progress ... something in formation ... changeing all the time.   with my new camera i can even take videos ... but what do i want to do with that? ... other people's home videos are usually booring to watch ... are they grist for my blog? ... i don't know ... took a video of Denies eating teriyaki in the mall .. saying "yum yum, flied lice" whith one her her charastic funny faces ... funny to me ... but then she doesn't want her pan on the net ... oh well.  in any case need to get my video editing capabalities together ... looked at some more vlogs on the net and what they may mean to me ... so don't know what am going to do here or what "my intention" to vlog might end up being.  mostly one blogs and vlogs and podcasts and tags to record things .. to write in the rocords ... to journalize one's life ... same reason you say something in your mind rather than just gestalting it ... same reason u write in a diary ... but then there is that impulse to be interesting to others, since this is all so public ... but is anybody really watching ... i think the tradeoff between inner subjective urges and needs to blog VS public need to be interesting ... business plans etc ... can be dealt with by appropiate grouping and tagging ... hense if you are still reading this it would have been because whatever metadata mechinism/search/grouping that brought u here worked 

morning wake up though interested me still ... new polarity discovered ... differences in what "i take pleasure in" ... is it mind media ... that which floats in my mind ... or is it patterns of action and behavior in the world ... big difference ... sometimes it is the one .. sometimes it is the other.  obviously the latter is preferred for accomplishment and is a long standing decision of where i place my value ... but is the former to be discouraged? ... culturally it is the platform of fiction, entertainment ... part of me and part of us ... not something to be cut off.  where is the balance .. how does one strike it?

progress on The Practice of Magik via 3540 so far is zilch ... don't know if it is because concept is fundamentally flawed ... or just not easy piece ... but haven't given up yet. 

this morning went looking for others who splatter their inner selves on the net ... like i have been looking at A-list bloggers and they are not gonna be the ones ...  but there is a thing about this kind of writing and i want to find others doing it ... is it courageout or is it foolish ... of course it is what i make of it ... one writes this kind of inner shit for the effect that writing it has on one's self, not for it's affect on others ... different kind of writing than usual.

might update this more during the day ... dont know ... lots of real work to do today as usual ...


  1. stream of consciousness
  2. 05-22-2006
  3. vloging
  4. take pleasure in
  5. my deck
  6. splatter inner
  7. my comments
  8. jeneane
  9. consciousness


Seth says
source:my comment on jeneane
interesting post ... it's not just manic/depressives, but also us schizophrenics who have gleamed onto this new media :) ... us connect the dots kinds of people ... who like to splatter their gestalts in public and then sit back and watch the vulture destroy or ignore them. that this new media is addictive by nature is now a cleshay but it should not be forgotten ... and it should not be feared for that reason. i mean life is addiction ... now it takes visa.

Seth says
M 2006-05-22 08:34:20 3602
I've always thought of blogs as cheap, quick vanity publishing. Maybe all publishing is vanity of some kind!  Some of the polemics are interesting if not merely the right-wrong game.  It is addicting. But, like television, the addiction can be broken.  I think if you write things that resonate with others, perhaps giving voice to those who are voiceless then other people will read it. Otherwise you may just be pissing into the wind !

not that there is anything wrong with "vanity" ... and too publishing is changing ... need to factor in all the changes. 

insidentally you are much more into that right-wrong game than i ... and this is not another barb for another right-wrong game ... just an honest evaluation from my subjective point of view. 

yes, stimulus-respons ... especially of publishing-feedback is totally addicting ... that's part of the problem ... one needs to recognize whether one's intentions are just a stimulus-respons addiction loop or whether they are more useful ... might relate to that relationship i mention above ... "i take pleasure in" .

... also note that writing for the effect on the writer is quite different than writing for its effect on the reader.

Seth says
M 2006-05-22 13:35:31 3602
source: ... ... and this is not another barb for another right-wrong game ... just an honest evaluation from my subjective point of view. 
... But, that's exactly what it was & how the right-wrong game works. You have no more the ability to be objective than I nor the next person to come along. It's part of the programming machinery. Live with it or be Zen and keep quiet! (4th power of the Sphynx).
notice that i did not call myself being objective ... rather i specifically and intentionally said i was talking from my subjective point of view.  and note that you did not of necessity need to take it as a barb ... that was your subjective choice ... try going back and rereading it assuming that it absolutely was not a stimulus to contradiction.

Mark de LA says
Sorry underlined the punchline of the quote & not the quote . It should be:
source: ... incidentally you are much more into that right-wrong game than i
... The right-wrong game comes in multiple flavors:
  1. You're wrong
  2. You're more wrong than I am
  3. I'm more right than you
  4. I'm right & you are wrong
  5. Your position, statement, idea, personality, etc... is wrong
  6. You are much more (into that dreaded right-wrong game than I )
  7. etc .... (can't escape the meme, program)
Maybe even silence can be used as part of the right-wrong game. 
BTW, imho - the two best (or worse) examples of the right-wrong game are:
  • suicide - everyone else is wrong (or God is wrong) & I'm right (& I'm proving it!)
  • nuclear bomb - a right-wrong game (war) gone really-really wrong.

Seth says
I used to get into these right-wrong games with Natan all the time.  In the end i would only express those things to him that i could predict would not push his buttons and tried to remain silent on all other matters.  But then he would not accept silence ... he would insist upon a response  ... a simple "whatever" was not acceptable to him.  Inevitable it ended up destroying our relationship .  To me now, just so that you will know, there is no zen in this right-rong game ... only a waste of time and energy. 

Mark de LA says
You're right, there is no Zen in the right-wrong game - only mind! It would be still more Zen to transcend the right-wrong game even to the point of recognizing it as part of the mind instead of making it wrong as "only a waste of time & energy".

Seth says
Well i suppose the only zen of it would be not having to respond when someone has you wrong or has gotten "it" wrong ... rather just remain silent.  Personally i don't get that "having to respond" is part of the mind ... rather i get it only as a bad habit.  Nathan's thing was that stopping short of some kind of mind meld was a cop-out ... and there certainly are those times when not stopping can converge on a better understanding ... but those times are so rare and infrequent with most people, that they are hardly worth persuing.  

Mark de LA says
The automaticity of the "your're wrong" response.  There is a Zen story about a monk who had a very nice pair of slippers which he took off to enter a house (or temple). When he came back out they were gone. When he grasped what had happened he exclaimed "O my! Look what I have done - I have created a thief!" .  I if I have mangled the story a bit.  I do think stimulus-response as a way of explaining conversation is a bit descriptive of automaticity.  My computer has automaticity. It has to do what is programmed. I can shift the context in which I hold things to be more at ONE (sometimes) which sets me apart from my computer. I know you can too!  Conversation is more in this context when you can say "I am experiencing you experiencing me experiencing you ...." then you can be at ONE. I have done this in some Zen exercises & it is powerful & was hard to take with me outside the dojo. One thing for sure It is hard to be right-wrong while having that kind of experience of another.  

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