Dear Thinker, ....


It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up.
 
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more
than just a social thinker.
 
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and
finally I was thinking all the time.
 
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.
 
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't help myself.
 
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and
confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
 
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
 
But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said,
lower lip aquiver.
 
"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't
make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
 
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
 
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama.
 
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
 
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared
into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
 
They didn't open. The library was closed.
 
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a
poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.
 
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
 
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the
road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
 
Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party
 

Tags

  1. humor
  2. satire
  3. thinkaholics

Comments


Seth says

See Also

  1. Thought Agile Dilbert Cartoon with 164 viewings related by tag "humor".
  2. Thought Christopher Hitchens' - Ode to the BlowJob with 133 viewings related by tag "humor".
  3. Thought I Think this May be how SeriTD Does it with 68 viewings related by tag "humor".
  4. Thought about: all adhd related posts - open forest with 41 viewings related by tag "humor".
  5. Thought Funny Synergy Between Music & Video with 37 viewings related by tag "humor".
  6. Thought Hmmmmm..... with 26 viewings related by tag "humor".
  7. Thought Bend over and spread your cheeks ! with 15 viewings related by tag "humor".
  8. Thought A French Joke with 15 viewings related by tag "humor".
  9. Thought Grown Ass Woman with 14 viewings related by tag "humor".
  10. Thought Homosexual Necrophelia in the Duck World with 13 viewings related by tag "humor".
  11. Thought The Fuck with 11 viewings related by tag "humor".
  12. Thought An Excellant Demo with 11 viewings related by tag "humor".
  13. Thought How much does God have to pay ? with 10 viewings related by tag "humor".
  14. Thought Grandma's Thoughts with 10 viewings related by tag "humor".
  15. Thought about: Bullying is decay of what we are being together - comment 81375 with 8 viewings related by tag "humor".
  16. Thought Punography with 8 viewings related by tag "humor".
  17. Thought I am a hole with 8 viewings related by tag "humor".
  18. Thought about: Aljazeera Cartoons with 6 viewings related by tag "satire".
  19. Thought Another Global Warming Countdown Clock with 6 viewings related by tag "humor".
  20. Thought Harpers Daily - Humors of the Day - September 14, 1878 with 6 viewings related by tag "humor".
  21. Thought Liberals Coming back from the Polls with 5 viewings related by tag "humor".
  22. Thought Another Way to Look at Employment with 5 viewings related by tag "satire".
  23. Thought T-based vs E-based being systems with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  24. Thought Guided Meditation with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  25. Thought Signs with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  26. Thought Threefold Froggies with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  27. Thought about: oscars nominations 2015: dick poop gaffe trends on twitter with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  28. Thought Punditocracy with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  29. Thought What's the difference between a liberal and an Islamist ? with 4 viewings related by tag "humor".
  30. Thought Punditocracy Image Shapers on a slow day in Summer with 3 viewings related by tag "humor".
  31. Thought about: Blue Panties Prank with 3 viewings related by tag "humor".
  32. Thought Sleeve-job of references with 2 viewings related by tag "humor".
  33. Thought Axiom: husban is always wrong with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  34. Thought about: Use of term flash mob dates back to 1800s Tasmania with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  35. Thought Guess - this is a Test with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  36. Thought A Riddle for the Fans with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  37. Thought Don't VOTE if you Can't See the Ballot or the Issues or Read with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  38. Thought Enough Said? with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  39. Thought He was warned with 1 viewings related by tag "humor".
  40. Thought Pandemics & Epidemics with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  41. Thought Chicken Joke with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  42. Thought Tea Pee ! with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  43. Thought Environmentals - Go Thou & do Likewise - Please! with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  44. Thought Algorrified! with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  45. Thought Unfriendly Skys with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  46. Thought about: bird shit on a leaf with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  47. Thought Law of Attraction with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  48. Thought Hillary the Witch with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  49. Thought Religions Of The World with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".
  50. Thought Monkey Business with 0 viewings related by tag "humor".